False Advertising

I decided that it would be "fun" to make Christmas cookies with my daughter. My three year old daughter. Who has a head cold. And a sugar addiction. And the attention span of a gnat. "It can be our new Christmas tradition!," I exclaimed.

So I purchased some Pillsbury pre-cut holiday sugar cookie dough in the shape of stockings, trees and snowmen. The packaging showed pictures of cute little cookies, artfully decorated and skillfully crafted. "Oh, how hard can THAT be?," I thought to myself.

Yes, well...I'll let you be the judge. Here is what those no-good marketing liars at Pillsbury claim the average human being can create (with ONE packet of white frosting, I might add):

And here is the more realistic Hartzog version. I call this one "Apathetic Snowdude."

And here's what happens when you let a preschooler decorate her own cookie. I call this one, "Frosty the Demonic, Hairy-Chested Snow Ghoul." I think I'll have nightmares for a week. Allison also licked her frosting spoon repeatedly and coughed on the end product. "That one's yours," I sighed.

The whole process made me very tired. Allie got bored about 10 minutes into decorating, and I was secretly thankful, because I found myself turning into "no-fun, yelling mom." ("QUIT LICKING THE SPOON," "STOP EATING THE DOUGH," "FOR PETE'S SAKE, COVER YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU COUGH," "IS THAT A BOOGER ON YOUR FINGER?," etc.)

I should also mention that the cookies came out hard as a rock. I don't even think dunking them in milk can salvage them.

Though the experience made me feel inadequate as both a 1) mother and 2) cookie decorator, that doesn't stop me from wanting to make THESE...possibly the cutest snowman cookie ever:

Somebody stop me.